During this fraction of my life, I did my best to make my gratitude evident. I lived every day to the absolute fullest, and consistently found myself pondering "what did I possibly do to become so lucky?" Seriously, I hit the Jackpot with this one. Everything about the beauty, the people, and the way of life are things that have led me to grow in ways that would never have been possible without this experience. For the millionth time, thank you.
Now with that being said, that brings us to today. Almost a week has passed since I regretfully waved “see you soon” for the last time, and this life alteration has not come without pain.
In any precious relationship, it doesn’t feel good to have something torn away from your grasp without evident reason. It leaves one with many unanswered questions as well as a vacant hole in the heart. That’s how I felt as I was swiftly lifted off the ground to be returned to the place I used to call “home”. I didn’t feel ready to leave the experience, the adventures, or all my friends who have become my family. Part of my soul became engrained into this new life and I no longer felt that the decision to leave was mine. Of course I knew this day was coming since I first set foot onto new soil, but I was in denial when the day did actually come. I was simply helpless.
The past few days removed from my old life have felt almost unbearable. My heart has been uncomfortably fragile and I haven’t been able to put reigns on my emotions. How am I supposed to live my life after something so valuable has been extracted from it? It’s a simple question with a not so simple answer.
At the end of the day, everyone handles grief in a unique way. I found that this loss was more difficult for my soul to bear than I could have ever imagined, and this is because I simply was not ready. The thing is, I thought I was. A part of me was anxious to return to the life I once knew; eager to see, taste, and feel all the familiarities that are associated with my childhood. Despite this excitement, this did not make the goodbyes any easier. When the time actually arose, I quickly realized that I was not as prepared as I once thought. Swiftly transitioning into my new life with comfort and ease is what I had anticipated, but it was not my reality.
Although it may be difficult to understand in the moment, everyone heals with time.
It may have not happened so quickly in my case, but i finally feel like I’m getting over this emotional hurdle and heading in a direction that will allow me to always reflect on this experience fondly. Just as one must wait patiently for gentle cherry blossom buds to bloom, I must also be patient with my own tender heart.
Not all experiences are meant to last forever. I will always cherish my 2nd Home and the people I met during my journey, but I know everyone has potential beyond what they can imagine. Our journey is never truly complete. There’s endless opportunity in this world, and I, myself am eager to reach my full potential as a person, artist, companion, and global citizen. This chapter may be over, but its significance will last a lifetime. Although not everyone may understand what I've endured, that will never invalidate a life changing experience such as this.
As one chapter ends, another one begins. Throughout the course of our lives, we gain tools that can be utilized wherever our paths guide us. Although one particular fraction may have been filled with incredible moments of growth, adventures, and love, my story does not end here.
And neither does yours.